To identify as swingers is dangerous in this day and age. Who knows what kind of hell would be released if our secret happened to escape. Would we be ostracize? Would there be financial repercussions? These are things that we think about often. The possibility of being "outed" scares us...but the thought of not doing this scares us even more.
It is hard for "vanilla" people to understand what it means to be a "swinger." Why would anyone willingly engage in sexual activity with a person other than his or her spouse? Why would a spouse support this activity?
We see a huge difference between sex and love. Growing up, I was indoctrinated into the world of "monogamy." The implicit messages all dictated that you would find a life partner and devote yourself physically/sexually to that person. I accepted this without question.
I grew into a lovely "vanilla" girl and went away to a liberal arts college. College was a time of minor exploration and discovery. I joined a sorority and started dating a fraternity boy. I struggled to determine a major...why did there have to be so many choices? AND...I had sex with people that I did not love. Can we say cognitive dissonance? Of course, it was mediocre sex (only I was too inexperienced to know it). :)
College is an critical thinking lab (or at least mine was). Critical thinking was promoted and encouraged. . I engaged in nightly debates and really began thinking about my place in the universe and my values, beliefs, etc. One of the debates involved the connection, or lack there of, between sex and love. This was the first time that I pondered the question..."Is monogamy the only choice?"
Fast forward...We got married and developed an incredible life together. I can honestly say that he is my soulmate. Then...I found out that one of my hallmates in college had a threesome. This fascinated me. How did it work? It seemed so wildly kinky and exciting. So, we chatted and made jokes about swinging.
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