Reflections of Sadness

I thought I was completely over my dog's death. I rationalized that his life was good and that I didn't want him to suffer. I intellectualized the situation and forgot to mourn. I was there when he took his last breath. I thought I would be ok but I am finding myself becoming sad at really odd times.

Perhaps it was the pictures that I found while we were packing up to move. Perhaps it was the knowledge that one of Austin's coworkers had to euthanize her dog as well. Perhaps it was the realization that my other dog and cat haven't truly played since his death. Perhaps it was just my body rebelling against me for forgetting to mourn. Whatever the reason, I am now in a position where I realize there is an empty part inside of me.

I feel really odd interspersing this between posts regarding gratuitous sex. I mean, you are here to read about my swinging adventures, right? But...right now I have to acknowledge this so that I can resolve this...

Photoshoot 2

Austin and I had a photoshoot. He bought these white thong undies and white stockings. He also surprised me with black arm and leg restraints. So, here are some pictures of the photoshoot.

Testing Time Part II

I finally received the results from my yearly exam. I passed!! Whew! This was actually a very scary experience for me. I had this nightmare of having all kinds of diseases and abnormalities. I mean, this is my first exam since we began swinging. We have been and will continue to be very selective of our partners and careful. But I do feel a little better knowing that my results were normal.

Swinging and Life Lessons...

Today, Austin and I reflected on some things about our relationship and our swinging. A few years ago, I would never believe that I would have a swinging blog. In fact, having sex with multiple people was a deep fantasy that I had difficulty admitting to myself. And yet, here we are...developing intimate friendships with others, getting to know the smells, tastes, and feels of others.

We have learned that our relationship is always changing. Sometimes you want to be with couples, sometimes you want an MFM, and sometimes your crave a FMF. But, whatever the combination, you always crave each other.

We have learned that we have insecurities...about ourselves, about our lifestyle, about our world. We are not perfect, but find a way to have those difficult conversations, to expose our fears, and use the times of insecurity as "forced growth."

We have learned what we value in others is what we value in our relationship...trust, honesty, communication, and respect.

We have learned that sometimes, without thinking, we hurt others and they can do the same to us. How do you tell someone that you are not attracted to them? How do you hear that someone is not attracted to you? These are the questions that can make or break your swinging experience.

We have learned that there is ok sex, good sex, phenomenol sex, and OMG sex! We only duplicate our experiences with those that we really have phenomenol sex with.

And finally, we have learned that we truly do love, like, and respect each other.

Photo Album and New Poll Added...

I have added a photo album. Click on the right side to see multiple pics of Austin and me. I have added a new poll...check out some pics and let me know which one is the most delicious.

Had a wonderful MFM but still owe Austin a FMF

I really enjoyed the MFM that Sam, Austin, and I had a few days ago. Sam is very sexy and a great play partner. He and Austin work well to please me. However, I know that Austin is patiently waiting for his FMF. We are going to see Blake and Gina in a few weeks and Gina may help me fulfill Austin's wish.

Waxing update: I just got waxed again! I am a bit sore. I think it is because I wore some really cute underwear after the waxing. I should have just put on some very boring white undies. This is not a picture of my new waxing...but, this is a picture of my kitty.

BIG FAT LIAR!!

I finally had my yearly gyn exam. Whew!! Now all I have to do is wait for the results!! I was prepared to tell her that I have multiple partners. I was prepared to tell her that I am proud of my relationship with Austin and our activities. I was prepared...but punked out!!

She's a medical professional, not a judge. I am not ashamed!! But...I couldn't do it. I couldn't just take the leap!

Downy Pussy Question

Someone asked if I was still continuing the brazillian wax. Yes, I am. But I have to wait for new growth to get it done again. My hair is so fine I can actually wait two months (I am over the 2 month mark right now). Oohh!!! I love answering questions!!!

And yet more random thoughts...

1. What is one lie that you constantly tell? Probably my weight. I say 125 and that's partly true...it is actually a range. If Austin says I look thin, I always say that I am at the heavier end...
2. Coke or Pepsi? I don't really like soda. I try to avoid carbonated drinks when possible.
3. What is the most interesting comment that you have heard from a play partner? This weekend a play partner commented on my pubic hair. He said, "Your pussy hair is so soft...you have the downiest pussy."
4. What is your Meyers-Briggs type? ENTP Here is an excerpt from the profile. My comments are in red...ENTP- Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving by Marina Margaret Heiss
   Profile: ENTPRevision: 3.0Date of Revision: 26 Feb 2005
   "Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. Ok, I like that. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. This accurately describes me! So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.
   ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. Austin will tell you that I push him to the edge. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport. Ok, how was I suppose to know that joking about getting divorced was not a good thing!!
   ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at "sharp practice"--ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it's expedientso true!! -- or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys"--physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.
   ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) I usually attribute this to my moodiness. ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general. Yes, life does harass me.
   In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. See, I select clever and entertaining play partners as well. We end up entertaining each other LOL!Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience -- good, bad, or potential.
   Some Famous ENTPs:
   Alexander the Great, Confederate General J. E. B., StuartSir Walter Raleigh
   Fictional:
   Mercutio, from Romeo and JulietHorace Rumpole, from John Mortimer's Rumpole of the Bailey seriesDorothy L. Sayers's detective Lord Peter Wimsey
5. What is your religious/spiritual perspective? Agnostic
6. What is your skin care regiment? I use all Lush products. www.lush.com Honey I washed the kids soap, buffy the backside slayer body exfoliator, Dream cream body creme, pied de pepper foot creme, angels on bare skin face exfoliator, mask of magnamity deep facial cleaner, coal face soap (after I work out), and imperialis facial mousturizer. I swear by this stuff. I have eczema and not so great skin but this stuff makes my skin absolutely divine.
7. Beauty secrets? Of course...drink plenty of water, go vegetarian, avoid the sun, keep your house at a fairly cool temperature...less than 65 year round is optimal.

Happy MLK Jr. Day!!

We all have the power to live our ways in a way that inspires and motivates others.
We all have the power to learn from adversity.
We all have the power to think critically about our world.
We all have the power to embrace differences.
We all have the power to be more than we are right now...

Sam and Yancey are Sick

We didn't have our MFM...Sam and Yancey are both sick. Not deathly ill, just a little sick. They didn't want to risk getting us sick; hence, no MFM action for me. Of course I am sad...but, it actually worked out well because I was so exhausted. But...Austin and I did watch a very unusual porn. Um...sexy but odd in some parts. For example, there was a guy sitting in the corner watching a couple have sex. He was completely flaccid throughout the scene (hey, does that have two c's). Austin and I couldn't figure out why "random single dude in the corner" was in the scene. It was very bizarre to say the least.

I think I am going to post a new poll very soon. I think it will be titled...which underwear looks best on me. Personally, I only wear thongs to work out in. I think that I look much better in other types of undies. I want to get your opinion...so, I will show pics of me in my favorite underwear and you can choose what I wear for a predetermined play date.

Whirlwind!

Life is a whirlwind...We just moved and I am so exhausted. It seems like work projects are all due this week and I am feeling a tad overwhelmed! Anyway, you don't want to hear about my work stress. You want to hear about my swinging adventures :)

I played with my couple last week. Very I don't think I have given them names...So...I think I will call them Allen and Tabitha. Tabitha is a sexy brunette and Allen is a complete gentleman who happens to be HUGE. You would never guess from looking at him. I was absolutely amazed. Did I say HUGE? Now, I am not one of those women who is obsessed with size. In fact, some of my worst experiences have been with well-endowed men. I prefer a man who knows how to work what he has. However, I must say that Allen definitely knows how to use what he has.

Tomorrow, Sam is joining us for another MFM. He is absolutely sexy. He helped us move and all of that lifting that he and Austin did was a real turn-on.

Blake and Gina are coming for Thanksgiving dinner...well, a pseudo-Thanksgiving dinner. With vegetarian turkey and all!

We are also having guests this weekend. A fun couple that we visited a month ago. They are our third and final potential "circle of port" couple.

Random Thoughts 3

1. What is one thing that people can't tell by looking at you? I am a genetic freak! I have an extra bone in my left hand and am actually missing a rib bone on my left side . Also, I an a true nerd...I started taking college classes at 12.
2. What is your favorite cartoon/cartoon character? Hercules...
3. What are your secret loves? The shows Charmed and Sex in the City, drinking out of the bottles in the fridge (don't worry, friends that come over are never subjected to these bottles). I also love Austin's smell, and precum...yes, that's right. For some reason, I think it is sexy on a primal level. It is so manly. I also love the extremes...bald men and men with long hair. Berrytinis and strawberry margharitas are great as well. I also secretly love studying unusual lifestyles. Ever hear about people called "cutters" or "bulls" Google them. Quite interesting research I say. And yes, we do watch FOX news...we are bad liberals.
4. What are your secret dislikes? Bad children, Bad children, Did I say bad children?
5. City Dweller/Urbanite or Suburbanite? Suburbanite
6. What is your favorite sport? Sex...athletic sex he he.
7. What is your dream job? Um...besides diva of the universe? Probably cult leader lol. Something aout having people worship me, give me money, and pledge allegiance that is just too damn funny.
8. What are the cutest names that you have been called recently? The little shoe whore and pumpkin head.
9. What is the shortest guy that you have had sex with? Um, 5'5"
10. Who was your first boyfriend? George in Kindergarten. I threatened him and said he had to be my boyfriend or I would get my friend to beat him up. Needless to say, he developed a fondness for me.
11. Have you ever cheated? No...i have always been honest about my non-monogamy.
12. Has anyone ever cheated on you? Not that they will admit :). I would get my friends from question 10 to beat him up.

Do you believe that women ejaculate?

The concept of female ejaculation is a hotly debated topic. Interestingly, I had never really heard of female ejaculation or "squirting" before we began swinging. Now, it seems like there are a disproportionate amount of squirters within swinging. P.S. see Danni654's squirting video.

So, do I personally, believe in female ejaculation? Yes, I do. We played with a squirter and I actually had to stop the action to go and see what the "fluid" was like. Of course, I initially thought that it was urine. However, after actually seeing the fluid, I was dumbfounded and actually had to go to the medical literature to research. Seems like there are multiple theories as to why this happens and even medical experts contradict each other.

So, what do you think about squirting? Do you squirt, do you know a squirter? Leave your comments and let me know.